欧州で鳥インフルエンザの脅威
ニュースを見られている方は既に知っていると思いますが、ヨーロッパの
各地で鳥インフルエンザが確認されているそうです。
インフルエンザのタイプも幾つか有るらしいのですが、今回のはH5N1型と
言われている感染して発病してしまうと死に至る可能性が高いとされている物
らしく、ヨーロッパ各国で渡り鳥が降り立つ地域では特に注意している様です。
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
人気blogランキングへ戻られる方はこちらからどうぞ。
↓ 続きを読まれる方はこちらへどうぞ
現在、ヨーロッパでは10月7日〜8日にかけてルーマニアやトルコで
鳥インフルエンザの疑いの有る鳥が発見された後、昨日（18日）までに
ギリシャやクロアチアでも感染の疑いの有る鳥が発見されるなど相次いで
起きています。
昨日の英国BBC放送でも鳥インフルエンザはかなり大きな話題として
挙がっていて、英国内に注意を呼びかけていましたし、渡り鳥の飛行経路に
当たるとされる湿地帯などでは鳥の不審な突然死などには厳密な検査をする
ようにと注意を呼びかけています。
…
鳥インフルエンザもそうなのですが、私個人としてはいろいろな
ウイルス性の病気は自然界からの警告の様な気がしてなりません。
人間がむやみやたらと農薬を使っていたり、除草剤、殺虫剤などを大量に
散布しているものを鳥などが間接的に取りこんで…本来であれば無害の
バクテリアや細菌が悪性のウイルスとして成長している…そんな感じです。
花粉性の方もこの10年を考えると、年々増えているよな感じがしますし、
生まれながらにしていろいろなアレルギー体質を持った子供や
アトピー皮膚炎の子供も何故か増えているような感じがしています。
それらも自然の警告でこれからもっと増えていくのだとしたらどれほどまで
行ってしまうのだろうと心配になります。
私もビジネスはいろいろと考えていますが…これからは自然に優しく、
人間にも優しくをモットーにしたビジネスが各国で流行っていくのでは
無いかと考えています。
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いつも応援いただきありがとうございます。
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
If there��s one thing I know it��s God does love a good joke.
If there��s one thing I know it��s God does love a good joke.
If there��s one thing I know it��s God does love a good joke.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist �� and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist �� and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist �� and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist �� and better tools.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Smith & Wesson �� the original point and click interface.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air �� however slight �� lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Smith & Wesson �� the original point and click interface.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
I am not young enough to know everything.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Smith & Wesson �� the original point and click interface.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
mskxsbzqgmopqgfqifqt, http://www.qwqsuihbcy.com vmvcwoiwlb
mskxsbzqgmopqgfqifqt, http://www.qwqsuihbcy.com vmvcwoiwlb
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
In this war �� as in others �� I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war �� as in others �� I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war �� as in others �� I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war �� as in others �� I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
If there��s one thing I know it��s God does love a good joke.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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エージェントS 国際社会を巡る:欧州で鳥インフルエンザの脅威
エージェントS 国際社会を巡る:欧州で鳥インフルエンザの脅威
